I Will Try to Move On
by fstigtmsb
Summary: Monica discovers an unconscious Chandler one night and her life unfolds. Warning: Main character death.
1. Chapter 1

Monica was sitting in bed reading a magazine, her bed lamp still on. She looked over at her sleeping husband Chandler and she smiled and thought of how much she loved him. She reached her hand over to stroke his cheek, but was startled to feel his cheek cold.

"Chandler?" She said nervously.

She got no response. She shook him a little, but his body was limp and she knew that he was gone. "CHANDLER BING! YOU WAKE UP THIS INSTANT!" She cried. Still nothing.

Monica got out of bed and went to the other room to call 911. When the paramedics got there they confirmed what she already knew. "I'm so sorry Mrs. Bing, but your husband is gone." One of the paramedics said.

Monica couldn't say anything, she just nodded as to say thank you.

"Do you want to ride to the hospital with us?" He asked.

"Just let me change." Monica said softly.

They nodded and Monica went back into the bedroom to change. There she realized that she would have to call someone to watch the twins. It was so late, but she called her neighbor Brenda and asked. All she said was something was wrong with Chandler and they needed to go to the hospital. Brenda didn't ask questions thankfully and said she would be right over.

As soon as Brenda got there, Monica walked out the front door with the paramedics carrying Chandler on the roller board. Monica had asked them to make it look like they had been working on him. She wasn't yet ready to tell anyone he was dead. They agreed to doing the favor for her.

After several hours at the hospital Monica left and got a cab over to Ross and Rachel's. It was now four in the morning, but Monica didn't want to be alone. She called Brenda and told her that she would return home in the morning.

Outside Ross and Rachel's apartment building Monica stood frozen at the front door. What on earth could she possibly say to them? Rachel yes, was her best friend. And Ross was her brother and best friends with Chandler. But how on earth could she tell them that Chandler had suddenly died in his sleep?

Monica finally got the courage to enter the building and go up and knock on Ross and Rachel's door. It was a couple of moments before Ross answered the door. "Monica? Hey come in."

Monica again couldn't move.

"Sweetie, who is it?" Rachel asked as she started to come into the room.

"It's Monica."

"Monica, you know it's four in the morning, right?" Rachel asked.

Again Monica didn't respond or move.

"Monica, what's going on?" Ross asked worriedly.

Monica swallowed hard to fight back tears. She had yet cried since being told that Chandler is indeed dead. But seeing Ross and Rachel she couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Oh Ross, I don't know what to do!" She sobbed.

"I'll kill Chandler!" Ross said angrily thinking that Chandler had done something to Monica.

"You can't."

"Why not?" Ross asked.

'He's already dead." Monica said sobbing again. She didn't think that Ross understood her. But she looked at Rachel and she knew that Rachel had.

Rachel gasped and then began to cry herself as she walked over to Monica and just embraced her. Ross stared at the scene for a second and then he realized something was terribly wrong.

"Chandler is what?" Ross asked again.

Rachel turned to him for a moment and just looked at him so sadly. "She said Chandler is already dead."

"What? How? When?" Ross said shockingly.

"Not sure completely how yet. But he died suddenly in his sleep tonight." Monica said softly. "What am I to do now? Erica and Jack are only three, they won't remember much about him. How can I raise two small children alone?"

"Honey, you're not alone." Rachel said hugging her again. "Right Ross? Ross?" Rachel said when he didn't respond.

Ross had gone to the couch to brace himself. "Chandler can't be gone. He was so young, how could he be gone?"

Rachel and Monica went over to him and they just sat there embracing each other until baby Katy broke them up with a shrill cry. "She must know." Rachel said getting up.

Ross and Rachel's daughter Emma was now four almost five and they had a brand new baby, Katy who was only five months old.

Monica looked at Ross, "Ross, will you be there with me when I tell mom and dad?"

"Of course. I'm so sorry Mon."

"I know." Monica said putting her head on his shoulder. "I don't know how I'm going to tell Erica and Jack. I left them with Brenda."

"Rachel and I will go with you to your house and be there for you. Have you told Phoebe or Joey yet?"

Monica shook her head no. "I came here straight from the hospital."

Rachel came back a few minutes later. Ross and Rachel told Monica that she could sleep in their room; Ross would sleep on the couch. Monica and Rachel then left and they slowly walked into Ross and Rachel's bedroom. It was a little awkward sleeping with Rachel on their bed. Thankfully it was a giant bed, but she was glad she didn't have to be alone.

She and Rachel didn't sleep much for the rest of the night. Rachel had asked if Monica wanted to talk about Chandler, she said no. So they talked about other things like Rachel's kids and job and Monica's job. But neither of them really had their hearts in the conversation.

At seven in the morning Ross came back in to get ready for the day. Monica was finally asleep, but Rachel was awake. She got out of bed and went over to Ross and just put her arms around him. "I love you Ross, you know that right?"

Ross got a little choked up. He put his hands on her arms and looked into her eyes and leaned in and kissed her. "I know, I love you too. I love you so much Rachel."

Rachel kissed him again. "Don't go to work today. Call in sick." She quietly said.

Ross nodded, he then left the room to call his work.

"Hey Bill, this is Ross Geller. I can't make it in today. I'm not feeling that well. I think I'm coming down with the flu. Yeah, thank you."

Emma came into the room at that point. "Hi daddy. Are you sick?" She asked. She was a very smart girl, but had an ear for gossip, just like her mother.

"Hi honey, I am a little sick. Mommy will be in here in a bit to get you breakfast." Ross said to his daughter. "I love you Emma."

Emma looked at Ross and little strangely. Ross and Rachel told Emma they loved her constantly, but Ross said it so softly and sadly that even at four years old Emma knew that something was wrong with her daddy.

"I love you too daddy." She went over to him to give him a hug and a kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

Rachel came out of the room to see Emma hugging Ross, at first she thought Ross had told Emma about Chandler.

"I hope you feel better soon daddy." Emma said.

"Thanks sweetie." Ross said softly.

Rachel came over to them. "You ready for breakfast Emma?"

She nodded. Rachel was preparing breakfast when Monica woke up and came into the room.

"Morning." Ross said.

Monica gave a small smile.

Emma looked over. "Hi Aunt Monica. Where is Uncle Chandler and Erica and Jack?"

Monica froze and went white. She then broke down. Ever since she finally cried, she couldn't seem to stop.

"Aunt Monica?" Emma asked.

Rachel came over to Monica. "It's okay Emma, just eat your breakfast." Rachel said as she gave Monica a hug.

"You might as well tell her." Monica said.

Rachel nodded. "Emma, we have something we need to talk about." Rachel said.

Emma said okay and Rachel, Ross and Monica came over and sat with her at the table. They all looked so sad. Then Ross told Emma that in the night Chandler passed away.

"He passed away?"

"Yes sweetie. Uncle Chandler died. We won't ever see him again. He's gone." Rachel said. "Do you understand? Uncle Chandler is now in heaven."

Emma just nodded.

After breakfast they took Emma to preschool. Then they went over to Ross and Monica's parents. Their dad opened the door to see all three of them looking sad, pale and bags under their eyes. He knew something wasn't right. He invited them in and called in his wife. They sat on the couch and Ross took Monica's hand.

"Mom, dad." Monica started. "Last night I couldn't sleep so I started to read a magazine in bed. I turned to Chandler who was next to me, but I thought he was asleep..." Monica chocked up and struggled to get out the words, so she looked at Ross.

"Chandler passed away in his sleep last night." He said quietly.

"Oh my god." Judy said. She then went over to Monica and embraced her and cried with her. "Monica, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." She said wishing that she had something better to say.


	3. Chapter 3

Monica just nodded in agreement. "I wish it was just a bad nightmare. I wish I could just wake up and Chandler would be there to comfort me. But when I woke up at Ross and Rachel's I knew it wasn't. Mom I don't want to be without hm. I wish it had been me." Monica sobbed.

They spent a few hours at Jack and Judy's house before returning to Monica and Chandler's house. Monica didn't want to go home to a house without Chandler. That's all it was now. Just a house. Without Chandler it was no longer a home.

Monica checked her messages. The hospital called saying that it appeared Chandler had suffered a heart attack in his sleep. It appeared he had no other symptoms and died peacefully. Monica guessed that was something to be grateful for. There was also a message from Joey asking if they were still on for dinner that night.

"Crap, I forgot that Joey was suppose to come over." Monica said.

"I can call him for you." Ross said.

Monica nodded and said she was going to check on the twins.

"Hello?" Joey answered.

"Hey Joe, it's Ross. Hey I know that you have plans for dinner tonight at Monica and Chandler's tonight. But plans have changed."

"Like what?"

"It will only be Monica, and that is if she's up to it." Ross said.

"Ross, what's going on? Why would it just be Monica?"

Monica came back in holding Erica in her arms. She put her arm out to Ross for the phone. He gave it to her.

"Hey Joey, it's Monica."

"Monica, everything okay? Everything okay with you and Chandler?"

"No to both. Joey…Chandler suffered a heart attack last night."

"Oh my god, is he going to be okay?"

"Joey…" Monica struggled to keep her emotions in check. "Joey, Chandler didn't make it. He's gone." She said softly and then cried.

Joey told Monica that he would be right over. Monica told him that Ross and Rachel were with her, but he was more than welcome to come over. Monica knew that she would have to tell Phoebe. So after hanging up the phone with Joey she called Phoebe.

"Hey Monica, what's up?" Phoebe answered her phone in her normal cheery way. Normally it didn't bother Monica, but this day it did.

"Phoebe, are you sitting down. If you're not, you may want to."

"I'm sitting. Is everything okay? Is there something wrong with the twins? With Chandler? With you and Chandler?" She asked.

"The twins are fine. Chandler had a heart attack last night. It was fatal. I'm a widow. Phoebe, I'm a widow." Monica repeated the second time sobbing.

Phoebe also said she would be right over. She and Joey arrived close to the same time. Ross and Rachel were still there as well.

Monica was grateful for such grateful friends, but she knew that none of them really knew what to do or say to her. Monica wished that Chandler would walk through the door and tell some inappropriate joke. But she knew that was wishful thinking. Never again would she hear Chandler tell one of his jokes.


	4. Chapter 4

Monica knew that she would have to call Chandler's work as his boss had also left a message. She talked to Pete and told him the news. Pete sent his regards and well wishes to her and she thanked him. She also called her boss to tell her that she needed a couple days off as she got things arranged for Chandler's funeral. She was grateful that Mary told her to take all the time she needed.

Monica wanted to take forever off from everything. She went into her room to get some papers that she and Chandler had gotten together a few months earlier in case something happened to either one of them.

Ross, Rachel, Joey and Phoebe were going through the paper work with her. In the papers Rachel found an envelope that had Monica's name on it.

"Mon, what's this?" Rachel asked handing it over to Monica.

"I don't know. But that's Chandler's handwriting." Monica said taking it. She slowly opened it and took out a piece of paper.

_Monica,_

_If you are reading then stop snooping if you aren't snooping and you are still reading this, then I must be gone. I don't know when or how I've passed, not that it matters. I'm sure that we still have many, many years in front of us. But if I'm wrong, I want you to know that I've cherished our time together. The good and the bad. There is no one I'd rather have spent this time with in my life than you. You are my world, and my world has been enriched because of you. I'm a better man today than I was before you. I owe everything I am to you. I still wake up each morning and the first thing I want to see is you. And I still go to bed everything and the last thing I want to see is you. _

_You are an answered prayer. You are a dream come true. You are my heart and soul. You are my everything. I love you so much Monica. I hope you know that. I love you more than anything. I guess I always have and I know I always will._

_If I am young when I pass on, please move on in life. You deserve happiness and joy. I want you to feel about someone the way I feel about you. I know that you love me and always will. But I'm not there anymore. Please find someone to love again. Please find someone to spend the rest of your life with. _

_I'm never far from you Monica. I'll always be with you in your heart. Please do me this last favor, be happy Monica. That is all I have ever wanted for you. _

_I love you, even here in heaven._

_Chandler_

Everybody had tears in their eyes. Monica wondered if somehow Chandler knew he didn't have a lot of time left. She wondered when Chandler wrote, she didn't think it had been too long ago.

The next couple of days it was a struggle for Monica to get out of bed. She had been sleeping in the guest room, she couldn't bear to sleep in hers and Chandler's room, not without Chandler. She some how managed to get up each day and take care of the twins. When she hugged them she would hug them extra tight and tell them over and over again how much she loved them.

The day of Chandler's funeral it was gray and overcast. Monica thought it was perfect weather to reflect her feelings. She sat in a haze during the whole funeral. She didn't really register what was going on. She knew that Ross and Joey were both giving the ulagy because she asked them to. But though she saw them up there she wasn't really hearing what they were saying.

At the gravesite Monica fell against the coffin in sobs not wanting Chandler to be put under the ground. She had to be gently dragged from the coffin by Ross and their dad. When she sat back down she just held Erica and Jack on her lap tightly.

The days past slowly. Monica went back to work a few days after the funeral. To her surprise going to work actually helped take her mind off Chandler. But going home still felt so empty.

Over two months past before Monica even thought about seeing Chandler's grave. She called Rachel and asked her to go with her. Rachel told her that she would.

At the cemetery Rachel gently spoke to Chandler telling him that she loved him and missed him. She then told Monica that she would wait for her in the car.

Monica stood over the grave with tears running down her cheeks. "Hi Chandler. How are you doing? I miss you. But I want you to know that I will try to uphold your promise. I will try to move on. It won't be easy. For anyone who may come after you will have big shoes to fill. The kids are good, they miss you. They want to know when you're coming back. It's so hard to tell them that you aren't. I wish I could tell them otherwise. The night you died I looked at you thinking that you were just asleep and I couldn't think of anything else other than how I much I loved you. Chandler you too made my life. You are still my heart and soul. I love you." Monica said crying.

As Monica went to leave she thought she saw something or someone coming toward her. She at first thought it was Rachel, but then she saw it wasn't. it was Chandler.

"Chandler?" Monica asked.

"Hey beautiful."

"I'm confused. You're dead."

"Yeah I am. But I just wanted to see you one last time." He said with a small smile.

"I miss you Chandler. I miss you so much."

"I know. I miss you too. But we'll see each other again someday. We'll have forever someday Monica."

Monica smiled though she was still crying. She wanted to lean in and kiss him, but she knew he was just a figment of her imagination.

"I love you so much Chandler."

"I love you too. Monica before I go, please make me a promise."

"Anything."

"Be happy. Do anything you want. Go anywhere you want. Don't' be afraid to dream big. Don't be afraid to fail. But whatever you do, just be happy."

"I will. Chandler, thank you."

He looked at her confused. "For what?"

"For the best years of my life."

He smiled. "The best is still yet to come. But I'll always be with you. You're an amazing woman Monica. I hope you can see yourself as I do."

"I love you." She said softly.

"I've got to go now. I love you Monica. I always have, I always will." He said.

The last imagine she saw of him was his soft lovely eyes looking deep into hers full of love and a smile on his face.

Monica wipped the tears from her cheeks and turned back to the car. Rachel asked if Monica was alright.

"Not yet, but I will be. To start lets just go home." Monica said with a slight smile.

Rachel smiled and nodded and they left. As they drove away Monica felt more calm and peaceful than she had since Chandler passed. And she knew that he was still with her.

End


End file.
